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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072517">i don't think i can leave you even if i wanted to (i don't want to)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/djxrxn/pseuds/djxrxn'>djxrxn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Mandalorian (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Not Really Character Death, Oral Sex, Self-Insert, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 00:53:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/djxrxn/pseuds/djxrxn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your relationship with Paz Vizsla hasn't been anything more than a casual string of hookups, but after everything, you still can't quite shake how you feel for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Paz Vizsla/Original Female Character(s), Paz Vizsla/Reader, Paz Vizsla/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i don't think i can leave you even if i wanted to (i don't want to)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>moving things over from tumblr one at a time, i figured i would post this one first! there are a couple of smaller edits and differences here, nothing super big at all it's mostly just errors being corrected. enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paz Vizsla was dead - killed in a confrontation between an secret, underground covert of Mandalorian warriors and the Nevarro chapter of the Bounty Hunters’ Guild. There were a lot of casualties from both parties, but the Guild members had records - names, birthdays, medical records - the Mandalorians did not. They almost appeared out of thin air, like their only purpose for returning to the surface was to die.</p>
<p>Tragic, really - and almost ironic. You were mourning a man who didn’t exist, sobbing in the hull of your ship, unable to move, unable to breathe, and for who? Just another ghost. Just another bad dream that one day, maybe if you kill enough people or down enough bottles of booze, you could forget. It’ll fade away with the other bad memories - the friends and lovers that came before him that you couldn’t save. Your family, your home planet, all lost to the Empire. </p>
<p>Nothing stays, nothing lasts.</p>
<p>But you already knew that. </p>
<p>You weren’t anything to him in the first place. He called you on your shared comlink, what, every couple of months if you were lucky? You’d waste fuel to haul your ass across the galaxy to Coruscant - he knew you tried to stick to the Outer Rims as much as possible, and if he was trying to stay hidden, then why the fuck were the two of you even on Coruscant - </p>
<p>But you went, always for Paz. The reasons didn’t really matter, and the location sure as fuck didn’t matter to you. You’d go anywhere for him. You’d go anywhere just to see him</p>
<p>Maybe it was the fact that it was so crowded - especially the lower levels. Especially the levels you two stayed on. It wasn’t suspicious in the dark underbelly of the planet if a large figure concealed their identity and skulked about in a large cloak. For his ridiculously large size, Paz was very good at never getting caught. </p>
<p>Paz had a thing with the number three. That’s why you always stayed on the lower levels that had at least one number three in it, always stayed in the third motel room. Heard three clicks on your shared comlink when he was ready to meet up with you. He thought it was lucky, he told you when you asked him. He needed it.</p>
<p>“The luck, you know,” Paz cleared his throat, the sounds grated and static’s through his vocal modulator. “It doesn’t hurt to have as much as you can of it.”</p>
<p>Guess it didn’t help in the end.</p>
<p>It was all luck - that’s why he had never gotten caught before. You knew that Paz kept his luck in line, using it to skulk around a vastly populated planet to fuck you and then leave without ever getting caught. It was sweet, almost selfless, you thought. You wished you had saved it for himself.</p>
<p>It took you a few hours at first to hear about what happened on Nevarro. You heard about it via transmission, sent by another member of the guild. It was a quick message - bare bones, telling you only what you needed to know: Nevarro’s gone to shit. Stay gone.</p>
<p>You didn’t even realize what that meant for Paz until you eyes settled on the small comlink - always kept close by, if not on your person - it was propped up next to the meal portion you were halfway done with. </p>
<p>The com.</p>
<p>You snatched it up, You tried the comlink for the next few hours - asked for his location, if he was injured, if he needed assistance. You were calm. You actually surprised yourself with how level-headed you were acting.</p>
<p>But then there was quiet. Loud and heavy, filling the hull of your ship as you waited for a reply. There wasn’t even a static to signify that he was listening, there wasn’t even a little blinking green pip to show someone was on the other end, it was just - </p>
<p>Silent - and still. </p>
<p>You had no issue filling the silence - your voice started to crack as you began to plead with Paz. If he could just tell you where he was, you could find him, you could come get him -</p>
<p>Your pleading turned to yelling, and shouting, until you were howling, screaming for him. You already fucking knew he was gone - you were bargaining with an empty void now, trying to pull him out of it to cradle him in your arms one last time, to hear his voice just once more. It was pitiful, and it was futile.</p>
<p>Paz Vizsla was dead. </p>
<p>So then why the fuck were you here?</p>
<p>Paz had been dead for two weeks when you got the transmission. There was no video, no image, just a short clip of audio. It quickly routed off a series of numbers in a voice that sounded like an old droid, and then quickly gave an address. </p>
<p>No planets, no coordinates. </p>
<p>You almost ignored it, almost shut off the transmission before it was even finished, but then a gruff voice quietly rumbled, “Coruscant - same number.”</p>
<p>You blinked. </p>
<p>The transmission ended, and your hands flew to replay it over, and over, and over, until you were fumbling over levers and knobs to throw your ship into hyperspace. </p>
<p>You had found the run-down hotel on the 1314th level of the planet - not quite as infamous as the ones under it, but enough that you were a little apprehensive about traversing the level alone. You usually met with Vizsla at one of the ship loading stations. Then you would travel with him - </p>
<p>Paz Vizsla was big. Bigger than any one you knew. He towered over you. He parted the crowds of the criminal black markets with ease. Pickpockets stayed away from him, and you were pretty sure that anyone who even tried to grab at you would get a personal demonstration on the strength of beskar. </p>
<p>But he was also fucking safe. He kept you close to him, tugging you under his arm or resting his hand on a shoulder as he pushed you in front of him. He was never farther than an inch away from you, and yet you didn’t feel smothered. He was simply there to keep you alive, to make sure you made it your shared destination in one piece. </p>
<p>You told him as much, once. You were still laying in bed, and he was already brushing off his boots to leave. You told him how safe you felt with him, how much you liked to be near him - and that you would sleep a lot better if he was with you on your ship.</p>
<p>Paz had glanced down at you, turned his visor to glared down at you, and told you not to fucking say shit like that to him. Then he left, slamming the door behind him.</p>
<p>As much as you loved him, you were pretty sure he fucking hated you. </p>
<p>No, that wasn’t true. He still wanted to fuck you, and the last few times, he has stuck around for a few hours after, letting you rest in the bed, getting you anything you needed so you didn’t have to get up. Paz refuses all pleas to join you back in the bed. He would scoff at your little pouts and whimpered complaints. </p>
<p>“I don’t know why you ask,” he’d grumble. “You know the answer already - it just makes you more upset.”</p>
<p>True, but what was the harm in asking? </p>
<p>So maybe he didn’t hate you, but he sure was indifferent to you. </p>
<p>And then there was the Way, always looming over you two. He never fully explained the Way, and you never wanted to push your luck too much, but you knew that forbid clan members from revealing themselves - at least, that was the biggest point. </p>
<p>You just wanted him to care a little bit. To maybe give half a shit about you. To have validation in your feelings for him.</p>
<p>You had found the hotel just fine - the streets were still crowded, but you maneuvered through them, bumping in between merchants and sliding in between criminals until you stumbled upon a building on the corner with a fading neon sign. You didn’t even have to ask someone what room he was staying at. If he was here - </p>
<p>A cracked and weathered sign read, “three” over a durasteel door. You knocked, once, twice, pause, and then a third. </p>
<p>Just like always. </p>
<p>You waited a few moments, and then knocked again. </p>
<p>“Hello?” You shouted. You fumbled over his name, not able to speak it out loud. You just knocked again. “Hey, I’m here.” </p>
<p>You looked around the frame of the door - you didn’t see a key pad or a tattletale droid. There was nothing to indicate that you were even supposed to be here. </p>
<p>Your throat felt tight - you were such a fucking idiot, Maker, why did you even - </p>
<p>Someone rasped on the door from the other side. </p>
<p>One, two, then a pause, three.</p>
<p>Your eyes fluttered as you tried to keep away tears. “Paz?” You whispered, tapping lightly on the door.</p>
<p>“Code?”</p>
<p>His voice, fuck, it was him.</p>
<p>You stumbled over the numbers he gave you in his transmission, trying not to choke up. You breathing started to pick up, your blood was racing through your veins, you didn’t want to wait any longer, couldn’t wait any longer to see him - </p>
<p>The door slid up with a whoosh, and there was Paz Vizsla, leaning against the door frame. </p>
<p>He didn’t say anything for a moment - he just watched you as you tried to calm down. It didn’t feel real - it felt hazy and off. Everything about this felt like a cruel dream, like at any moment, you would wake up to reality and Paz would still be gone. </p>
<p>“So,” he grunted, “You came.”</p>
<p>“So, you’re alive,” you retorted, a shaky laugh leaving you. </p>
<p>He humphed, and turned away. “We need to talk.”</p>
<p>You tripped after him, close on his heels as he walked through the room. The room felt greying, like all light had been sucked out of it long ago. It also was barren, the only furniture was a table and a shouty bed. You didn’t see any chairs to sit in - someone must have removed them (or stolen them). It felt almost comforting to know that you weren’t the only thing in the galaxy missing something. </p>
<p>You didn’t notice it before, but as you stared up at his shoulders, you realized the only piece of armor Paz was wearing was his helmet. His chest was covered by a thin compression shirt, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His thighs lacked beskar, his shoulders, even his hands were bare. A warmth spread across your cheeks as you gazed at the only slivers of skin you had ever seen of him. </p>
<p>“You’re staring.”</p>
<p>You cleared your throat. “Y-you always wear the armor…”</p>
<p>He picked up one his pauldrons off of the small table and held it up for you to see. There was a large blaster mark in the center of it. Little chinks in the beskar were missing, and most of the blue coloring had been torn away. </p>
<p>“It’s a little, uh…” Paz dropped it back onto the table with a loud clunk. “Damaged.”</p>
<p>You sat on the edge of the bed. “Paz, what the hell happened?”</p>
<p>He didn’t say anything for a moment - his hand traced the edge of his chest plate. He seemed… different. Distant. He hadn’t really looked at you. By now, in a normal visit, your shirt would be off and you would be on the bed, so why was he so cold now?</p>
<p>“Nevarro went to shit pretty quickly,” he answered. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I know, I heard the news.” You pressed your lips together. “A guild member told me, I - I tried to contact you on the comlink-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know.” He let a soft sigh, barely audible through the modulator. “I heard everything…”</p>
<p>You froze. “W-wait, what the fuck do you mean?”</p>
<p>Paz finally looked up at you. “I heard you. When you tried to com’ me, I heard everything.”</p>
<p>You were already too angry to hear how sad his voice was, how small and upset he sounded. </p>
<p>“Why the hell didn’t you say anything back?” </p>
<p>He let out a short breath, before responding, “I was in a pinch -”</p>
<p>“For two fucking weeks?”</p>
<p>Paz gestured at his armor. “I told you - Nevarro went to shit -”</p>
<p>You stood up. “I don’t care about Nevarro, I care about you, I-”</p>
<p>The words hung in your throat. They stuck to your mouth like honey, like tar, like fucking poison. If you said it, you couldn’t go back on it, and there was a very real fucking chance he would want anything to do with you - </p>
<p>“Don’t,” he hissed. </p>
<p>“I love you,” you whispered. </p>
<p>He choked. “Don’t fucking say that -”</p>
<p>“I love you, and I thought you were dead,” you shouted, everything coming up that you had tried to pack away so neatly. “You let me believe you were fucking gone -”</p>
<p>“I was never going to com’ you back!” He growled. </p>
<p>“Then why did you even send me a transmission - why am I here?” </p>
<p>Paz paused, giving him enough time to take a inhale and let out a long exhale. He pushed his shoulders back and unclenched his fists.  </p>
<p>“We… we need to stop doing this,” he said. </p>
<p>“What… what exactly is this?”</p>
<p>“We need to stop meeting up - we need to stop fucking -”</p>
<p>You laughed - bitter and short, “Did you bring me here just to break up with me - “</p>
<p>“I don’t love you.”</p>
<p>A blaster shot to the chest would have hurt less, you thought - it would have felt like fire, tearing through your chest, burning everything in its path, and leaving your corpse cold. It would have been quick - you’d be dead almost instantly  This, this was an ache. Like someone had broken every bone in your torso, like someone had stomped on your chest, and now, a dull, throbbing pain was left was the only thing left. This was not a pain that could be resolved quickly, no. This would take a long time to kill you.</p>
<p>“At all,” he added. “Never have.”</p>
<p>For a second, you believed him.</p>
<p>“You… you fucking bastard,” you snarled, the anger finally breaking, rolling over you in hot waves, heating you up, burning your eyes, “You fucking piece of shit -“</p>
<p>“I’ve never fucking cared about you.” </p>
<p>The anger stopped, subsided instantly when you heard his voice crack. It snapped, splintered around itself - </p>
<p>And everything felt crystal fucking clear now.</p>
<p>“You’re lying,” you hissed. “You’re lying to me - what the fuck happened on Nevarro?” </p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t give a shit about Nevarro-"</p>
<p>“Well, obviously you care enough about it to lie to me-"</p>
<p>“What the hell do you want me to say? That I love you?” He shouted. You flinched, a little gasp falling from your lips. </p>
<p>You struggled for a moment. The words you wanted to say sat in the back of your throat, refusing to budge any further. You let out a little sob. </p>
<p>“I just want you to explain what the fuck is going on, Vizsla -”</p>
<p>“I told you - Nevarro went to shit -”</p>
<p>“Okay, well, that tells me exactly fuck all about wh -“</p>
<p>His hands flew to your shoulders, grasping tightly. “I can’t tell you that I fucking love you, because you won’t leave, and you won’t be safe, and I can’t let anything happen to you because you’re the only woman I’ve ever fucking loved!”</p>
<p>His outburst took you by surprise, his words crashing around you, grinding everything to a stop. Your eyes went wide, and then you looked away from him.</p>
<p>Paz froze. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck - </p>
<p>He wasn’t supposed to say it.</p>
<p>He fucking practiced this, rehearsed it over and over. He wasn’t supposed to tell you he loved you. That was the one thing Paz knew he couldn’t tell you, no matter what. The whole reason he called you here was to end it, to make sure you would stay as far away from him as possible, to make sure you would stay safe. He thought that maybe if he could convince you, if he could convince himself, that he didn’t want you - maybe you would forget about him. You could hide in the Outer Rims, picking up various odd jobs, and staying as far away from any Mandalorian as possible. </p>
<p>That was so fucking stupid. </p>
<p>This was all so fucking stupid. </p>
<p>You looked furious - your chest was heaving, and your entire face was sculpted in a scowl. Your hands - how many times did Paz fall asleep thinking about his own hands cradling yours, how many times had he thought about burying his face in your hair, your hands softly tracing his neck - hung at your sides in tight fists. You weren’t even looking at him - your face was wet - </p>
<p>You were crying.</p>
<p>Paz didn’t think even you knew that tears were streaming down your face. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he mumbled. “Hey, no, don”t do that.”</p>
<p>He moved slowly, moving closer to you, brushing his palms over your wet cheeks, cupping your face - all small moments of affection Paz had never been interested in sharing before now. You don’t think Paz has ever touched you with his bare hands before. It felt so good - his hands were warm, they dwarfed your face. He started to brush his thumb over the curve of your cheek, back and forth - anything for you to calm down. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said. Paz shook his head. “I should’ve… I should’ve done a lot of things - fuck, there’s so much I should’ve said - but I do love you. I love you so much more than you could ever know -”</p>
<p>“Then prove it,” you whispered. </p>
<p>His helmet cocked to the side ever so slightly, but he didn’t move. That was… not what Paz expected you to say.  </p>
<p>“Prove it,” you said again. “You do not get to walk in here, tell me it’s over, and that you love me-”</p>
<p>“Get on the bed,” he said. </p>
<p>“- And then expect to leave again, who the hell does that, Vizsla? I thought you were dead, an- and, and now you want to leave again-”</p>
<p>“Get on the bed.”</p>
<p>“No fucking way do you get to walk all over me-”</p>
<p>One of Paz’s hands went to the back of your head, weaving his fingers into your hair so he could grab a fistful of it and yank your head back. The other move to hold your jaw - the gentle caress of his large hands giving way to a steel grip. </p>
<p>“Get. On the bed,” he said, gritting his teeth, “And I will show you.”</p>
<p>You swallowed. You could already feel yourself panting, could already feel the heat at your core sparking up. </p>
<p>But this wasn’t fair. Every time you wanted to bring up you two - wanted some fucking peace of mind or some clarity - Paz offered to just fuck it out of your head. Maybe it was your fault for always taking him up on the offer, but if he was really leaving this time -</p>
<p>“Why?” You huffed. “So we can fuck, and you can leave, and I’ll never get to sort this out with you?”</p>
<p>Paz let out a long sigh. He was silent for a moment. His grip on your jaw loosened, and you felt your chest tighten as you realized this was it. </p>
<p>You fucked it up - he was leaving, and this was over.</p>
<p>You couldn’t swallow around the lump in your throat. Your eyes stung, everything burned -</p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.</p>
<p>Breathing wasn’t working - you were trying to breathe in long and slow, but everything felt right and fast and wrong and Maker, this couldn’t be it.</p>
<p>And then Paz reached up towards his helmet, and your heartbeat raced.</p>
<p>“Paz.” Your throat felt tight - “Paz?”</p>
<p>You heard him exhale through his vocal modulator, and then he tugged his helmet up over his head - </p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>The helmet came off, moving over a strong jaw littered with little patches of scruff - it traveled over sharp eyes and a mess of brown hair, crinkled and curling over itself. </p>
<p>His brow was furrowed - he gave a little sniff, and then his eyes met yours. </p>
<p>Everything came undone - the tears, the emotions, everything you had done your damnedest to suppress came roaring to the forefront. You covered your face with your hands - you were trying to not to cry in front of Paz, were trying to not let him know how broken you were over him. You could hear Paz shift uncomfortably in front of you.  </p>
<p>“That ugly? I mean, I’m normally not this scruffy, but uh…” He huffed, an eyebrow cocking up. You shook your head, and the edge of Paz’s mouth twitched up. </p>
<p>His helmet fell from his hands as he stepped over to you. “What is it?” Paz’s hands brushed yours away as he held your face again. He brushed your hair back over your ears. “I don’t know why you’re upset-”</p>
<p>“What the fuck are we doing?” You mumbled. “What are we even doing here?” </p>
<p>Paz opened his mouth to speak - he had nothing. </p>
<p>“I missed you,” you said between shallow breaths. “I, I didn’t think-”</p>
<p>You shook your head - Paz lifted his hands, almost to pull away from your face. You mumbled, “No,” and held his hands to your face.</p>
<p>“Please, please, I don’t want you to go.” You closed your eyes and pressed his hands harder against your face, like you could somehow attach him to your skin if you pushed hard enough. “You were dead, I thought you were dead, Paz.”</p>
<p>He swallowed around the lump in his throat, his eyes stinging and burning. Of course you were still upset over his death. </p>
<p>“I’m okay, baby, I promise.” </p>
<p>He wrenched his hands away from your face, and you let out a strangled cry. </p>
<p>“Paz, please don’t go - “ </p>
<p>Paz shushed you as he tucked your head into his shoulder, his body completely covering you. His shoulders were wrapped around you, his spare hand firmly pressed to the small of your back. </p>
<p>“Please, please.” Paz petted your head, shushing you softly. “No, no, don’t cry -”</p>
<p>Fuck, he was so angry at himself. You were so heartbroken - how the hell were you supposed to trust him after all of this?</p>
<p>Paz just wanted you to be safe. </p>
<p>“I’m here-” He whispered. “I’m here - I’m not dead, I’m here.” </p>
<p>He rested his head against yours. The tears started to fall, and he couldn’t stop thinking about you and how upset you were, and how it was all his fault, and he just -</p>
<p>It’s not like he tried to fall in love with you - he had actually tried very hard not to. Paz had made it a habit to try and find other hookups on other planets. There was a Zabrak he had met on Nevarro before the Covert went to shit, there was a Twi’lek who had tried to sell him out to a local warlord on Ryloth the morning after, and, truth be told, there were more he just didn’t remember. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to forget you like the rest.</p>
<p>But he couldn’t. Nothing tore his attention away from any task at hand than you did. No one felt like you did when you fucked him. </p>
<p>How many times did he have to scratch a name off his list because he called out your name when he came? Or how many chinks in his armor were there because he was too busy thinking about you - the way you tasted, the way you screamed when he fucked you, rough and needy and selfish - </p>
<p>“I love you,” he said again. He tilted your head up to meet his eyes. “I’m not leaving, I fucking swear.”</p>
<p>Your brow furrowed - he made a choking sound. </p>
<p>“Hey, I’m not - I’m not lying,” Paz pleaded. “You’re -”</p>
<p>The word “Mine” fell out of his mouth before he could even form the thought, before he fully understood your hurt and fears, and before he could even begin to deal with his. </p>
<p>Mine.</p>
<p>But it felt right. </p>
<p>Maybe you had always been his. You always answered his call, always came to his side. Most times you didn’t even know how much he needed your touch, your affection, and yet you gave it to him. Maybe it wasn’t just that you were his. Paz couldn’t shake your grasp on his heart, your fucking steel claw on his chest, and the realization that he was yours more than anything else washed over him slowly. </p>
<p>For the first time in days, Paz could breathe again. </p>
<p>You blinked up at him, your mouth falling open in a little o-shape. Paz let one of his hands rest on your chest, feeling the way your heart started to pick up. </p>
<p>“Yours?” </p>
<p>“You’ve always been mine, I, uh, I’ve just been shit at showing it,” he nodded. "If- if that matters," </p>
<p>His finger traced your bottom lip, and his eyes flicked back up to you. Maybe he would finally get to feel your lips against his now.</p>
<p>A small smile cracked open your mouth. “Yeah, that matters, Paz.”</p>
<p>Thank the fucking Maker.</p>
<p>Paz sighed. You reached up to wipe his eyes, and he mumbled a soft, “Thanks.” He leaned into your touch, humming as you traced his facial features. </p>
<p> “I love you too,” you whispered, the words flowing from your mouth. Paz’s mouth ticked upwards, and he dipped his head down to graze your lips with his own. Your hands flew to his face, bringing him closer to you. Paz gave a little gasp when you parted his lips with yours, when you suck his bottom lip, when you tasted him purely and simply - </p>
<p>He jerked forwards, his teeth bumping into yours. You recoiled back and Paz grunted. </p>
<p>“My bad, my bad.” Paz let out a shaky breath - you could feel his heartbeat picking up under your hands, and you watched as a soft blush crept over his cheeks. “My bad, I-, uh, I’ve never done that before.”</p>
<p>You smiled up at him, a real smile - big and bright and beautiful, like the most precious thing a man could own. Paz couldn’t catch his breath as he looked down at you, especially when you leaned up to kiss him again - softer this time, gentler. You gave him more time to adjust and mirror your movements. He sighed against your lips.</p>
<p>“I’ve wanted this,” he breathed, “for so fucking long.”</p>
<p>Paz’s hands went to your waist to pull your body against his. You felt his erection through his pants, and you felt your heartbeat throb between your legs.</p>
<p>“Bed?” You asked.</p>
<p>He snorted. “Now she listens to me.”</p>
<p>As much as you adored this, as much as you had wanted this, this was not the Paz Vizsla you were familiar with. Your visits with Paz were rough and impersonal. Sure you would exchange a few words, and maybe a few softer moments, but it was never affectionate. He never sat you down on the bed like he was afraid to break you. He never let his bare hands trail up your chest, pulling your shirt and undergarments off in one slow tug. He never grazed your lips with his own, moving down your body with a soft reverence of a lover. </p>
<p>Paz’s fingers faltered for a moment, tripping over the claps of your pants. You ran your fingers through his hair and let out a little breath as you realized that Paz was just as nervous as you. </p>
<p>He kissed your tummy, hands moving your pants and undergarments down your thighs achingly slow. You watched as he moves down the bed, and fuck, you felt nervous. Paz had taken you from behind, fucked you against walls - you’ve ridden him, you’ve choked and gagged on his cock countless times - why was this different?</p>
<p>Because you could see his lips part when he settled on his knees for you. You could watch his eyes sharpen into something fiendish and fiery when he parted your soaked folds with two large fingers. </p>
<p>You thought he might tease you at first - make you beg, ask why you were so wet when he didn’t do anything, sneer, anything. </p>
<p>Instead, Paz licked your clit with the flat of his tongue and you melted.</p>
<p>You cried out his name. This was so fucking addicting - you had barely begun and you were already missing how good Paz Vizsla’s mouth was.</p>
<p> He wasted no time with you. His tongue danced over your clit, flicking and circling, pulling moans and sharp cries out of you.</p>
<p>Everything below your waist felt hot and warm - a burning you had never known, an ache he had never given you before started to take hold. It multiplied - grew sharper and quicker and more - the second you felt his thick tongue replaced by a finger. </p>
<p>You whined. “Paz- Paz, please-“</p>
<p>“What is it, baby?” </p>
<p>You couldn’t meet his eyes when you asked him - begged him for a second digit.</p>
<p>He nipped at your thigh as he eased in another finger, pushing into your cunt more and more, rough and rougher. Paz let out a breathless laugh when he heard your strangled cries.</p>
<p>“You sound,” he growled, his smile still plastered onto his face, “So fucking good from down here.”</p>
<p>“Don’t- don’t stop, please.” Your hips bucked up to meet his face. Paz moved his spare hand to your stomach, gently keeping your body down.</p>
<p>”Still.”</p>
<p>Tears formed in the corner of your vision when you felt a third finger enter your cunt. You tried to clench your thighs, only for Paz’s wide shoulders to keep them apart. All you could do was writhe around and take everything he gave you as he attacked your clit. His fingers were easing deeper and deeper into you with every thrust, and everything felt like it was coming to a boiling point - </p>
<p>“Paz,” you mewled. “Pa- Paz, I’m gonna, oh, fuck, i’m gonna cum -“</p>
<p>He only hummed in response, crooking his fingers inside of you, curling around something vast and terrifying and electric - </p>
<p>“No, Paz,” you tugged on his curls. You finally yanked hard - as hard as you could without pulling his hair out of his head - “Listen -“</p>
<p>Paz looked up at you. He pressed a lazy kiss to you clit, before pushing his fingers up to his knuckle and started to suck, and -</p>
<p>“Paz.” You were whining now, desperate and out of breath. </p>
<p>He was still looking at you with those eyes - hazel and light, swirls of green and amber and a soft hint of something dark that you didn’t have a name for - fuck, he was so beautiful. </p>
<p>Paz smiled again when you let out another soft groan - it was so soft and tender. He was so stupid for not doing this sooner, for not getting on his knees and taking off his helmet - </p>
<p>He was so fucking stupid for not telling you he loved you sooner than this.</p>
<p>“Baby,” Paz mumbled. His free hand reached up towards yours. Your fingers intertwined with his - small, small, so tiny and shaking and you were so close. His grip was soft - he had no intentions of hurting you, ever again. Paz rubbed a little circle onto the back of your hand with his thumb. “I want you to cum in my mouth.”</p>
<p>You did. Maker, you fucking did.</p>
<p>Everything snapped - the tension, the fear, how tightly he had wound you up - the heat at your core, burning and scorching your bones, ruining everything you had spent so much time convincing yourself of. </p>
<p>No, he didn’t love you - no, he didn’t care - no, he didn’t fucking make it, he was gone.</p>
<p>But he wasn’t. Paz Vizsla was here, finger fucking you through your orgasm, opening his mouth to taste you when you squirted over his chin and on the fucking sheets. You felt him groan against you, felt as his hand finally tighten and clenched and hurt around yours. </p>
<p>You didn’t even recognize your high-pitched cry at first - all you knew was the electric fucking pleasure, pulsing and vibrating and washing over you. Nothing else mattered. </p>
<p>You came down slowly from your high. You still couldn’t catch your breath, and the way Paz left one kiss - open-mouthed and wet and hot - on your clit wasn’t helping. You whimpered his name, and he smiled against your thigh.</p>
<p>“You want me down here all night, angel?” Paz nipped at your skin with a groan. “I wouldn’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” you breathed when you realized he wasn’t fucking with you. He could spend all night with his head between your thighs and be just as satisfied as you. </p>
<p>But you wanted him close.</p>
<p>“I- I want you inside, Paz.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind that either.”</p>
<p>He crawled up your body, nipping at your skin, sucking marks onto your neck and chest, like he was thirsty, like he had never had water, and you were his fucking ocean. You didn’t realize how wet you had gotten him until you were pulling his shirt over his head. </p>
<p>“Sorry about that,” you mumbled.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be,” he grinned wickedly. “It was hot.”</p>
<p>“Am I supposed to believe that was your first time eating someone out?” </p>
<p>He gave you a wink as he tossed his trousers somewhere in the room. You let out a tiny moan as he stroked his cock - swollen and leaking and so fucking big, Maker, you missed how much he fucking ruined you - before lining up with your entrance.</p>
<p>“I’m not even in yet,” he teased. </p>
<p>Your snarky reply was cut short as you felt the head of his member ease inside of you, pushing further and further, stretching you out him, and -</p>
<p>“Maker,” you whined, your eyes squeezing close as you tried to relax.</p>
<p>He let out a moan through clenched teeth. He said your name, his grip on your thighs turned to as strong as beskar as he bottomed out. Paz didn’t move for a moment - he enjoyed the way your cunt fluttered around him, how your chest heaved, your breaths coming through in short pants. He eased out of you, savoring every bump and ridge of your walls. </p>
<p>Then he snapped his hips as hard as he fucking could, and all you could do was wail.</p>
<p>Paz set a brutal pace - and here was the Paz you knew best. Fucking you like he was made to, like this was the only job he knew. He split you open, the burning between your hips turning white hot and bright as a fucking star. You were gonna feel the ache in your legs the next day, you were gonna trace the bruises of where his fingers were for as long as they stayed, and you were gonna burn the image of Paz Vizsla fucking you without his helmet on into your mind even if it killed you. </p>
<p>Your gasps and cries made it up to Paz. He smirked, his mouth vicious and cruel. </p>
<p>“It’s been too fucking long, angel,” he growled. He reached over you - his palm trailed over your chest, stopping to pinch at your nipples, rolling it between his fingers. You arched your back. The pleasure was curling up, twisting throughout your limbs until everything was roaring hot. You shrieked out his name. </p>
<p>“Baby girl,” Paz cooed. He grabbed your shoulder, held it down tightly as he used it as leverage to fuck you harder. “You were made to fucking take me, huh?”</p>
<p>“I’m close,” you shrieked - your own voice sounded so foreign to you. “Paz, oh, Maker, fuck, Paz, I’m -”</p>
<p>His smirk twisted into a snarl as his his cock pierced deep inside of you, fucked against that one spot that only he knew how to destroy, and made you see fucking stars as you came. </p>
<p>You weren’t even through your orgasm before he was pulling out of you, flipping you onto your stomach and pulling you up on all fours.</p>
<p>“This okay?” he panted - you felt him as he shifted you forwards, moving onto the bed behind you, sitting up on his knees, his hips rubbing against your ass -</p>
<p>“Yeah,” you groaned, “Yeah, this is okay.”</p>
<p>This time, he pushed into you in one quick movement - he knocked whatever breath you were holding onto out of your chest. Your arms buckled and you sagged into the mattress. Paz held your hips up as he continued to pound into you. </p>
<p>Everything was too much, everything about Paz was too much - the pain, the pleasure, the fucking heartache. You were always sure it was going to be the final nail in your coffin. </p>
<p>The pressure was building sickeningly fast again in your core. One of Paz’s hands snaked around your front, and he rubbed out an equally rough paced against your already abused clit. </p>
<p>“You’re so fucking mine,” he ground out.</p>
<p>Your fists gripped the sheets under you as you tried to hold onto anything. You mumbled his name into the bed, and he tipped his head back. </p>
<p>“I’m never fucking leaving you,” he said, his thrusts growing erratic and hurried. “You’re my fucking mate, fuck, I can’t leave you -”</p>
<p>You wailed as you came, everything shattering and snapping and fuck, everything felt like it was too bright. Like a sun was directly behind you, its light burning your eyes, eating away at your core. You felt the heat in your chest, in your fingers, in your bones as Paz used your body to chase after his release.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” he groaned. “Fuck - where do you - where do you want-”</p>
<p>“Inside,” you choked, squeezing your eyes. “Maker, please cum inside, Paz-”</p>
<p>You heard him grunt as he put all of his energy in the last few thrusts, and fuck, it felt so good to hurt like this. It felt like he was trying to shatter bones, to completely render you helpless underneath him. His hand found his way into your hair, and he gave a sharp tug as he finally came, spilling inside of you with a labored groan. </p>
<p>Paz leaned over you for a moment - you felt his breath against your spine as he pressed a few kisses to your back.</p>
<p>“Good girl,” he mumbled, “You’re so good for me.”</p>
<p>You felt your heartbeat finally slow, settling down like the exhaustion that started to settle onto your body. Paz’s shoulders slouched as he pulled out of you - you felt the way your combined cum dripped from your fluttering cunt and you couldn’t help the small, whiney moan that escaped your mouth. Paz gave a small laugh. </p>
<p>“I missed you.” You can hear the smile in his voice. </p>
<p>He lowered your hips onto the bed, and the bed moved when he stood. You let out a high pitched whine when you heard him leave for a moment. </p>
<p>“Stay put,” he called out from somewhere in the room. </p>
<p>You closed your eyes for a moment. The bed wasn’t the softest or the nicest or the cleanest, Maker, why did he always stay in such shit holes (what did you expect from the planet’s underbelly hotel scene) but you were grateful to have somewhere to rest. You almost jumped out of your skin when you felt something warm and wet touch your thighs.</p>
<p>“Easy,” Paz said softly. “Just me, doll.”</p>
<p>He wiped off your thighs and in between your legs with the rag, tossing it somewhere on the floor. Paz squeezed your thighs, massaging them for a moment. You hummed when you felt him press a few quick pecks to your legs. </p>
<p>His arms snaked under you to scoop you up in his arms as he laid onto the bed with a sigh. You let out a small giggle as he tucked you under his chin. His fingers went straight to your hair, weaving them between soft locks and strands. You hummed as you traced the scars up and over his shoulders.</p>
<p>You were always astounded at how big Paz was, how strong he felt under your fingertips, even after all this time. Maker, he could really do damage to you if he wanted to - he could snap you in half, crush you in his hands, and he wouldn’t break a sweat. It would be so easy to destroy you, if Paz really wanted to. </p>
<p>Good thing he loved you. </p>
<p>You waited a minute, before mumbling, “What now?”</p>
<p>“We lay low for a while,” he answered, his voice low, a beautiful baritone reverberating around the room and settling over you in a haze. “We’ll keep an eye out for other Mandalorians - they’ll need us.”</p>
<p>He paused for a minute. Your hands found their way to rest on his broad chest. His heartbeat, strong and steady, rumbled underneath your fingertips.</p>
<p>“They’re a part of our Covert - it’s our duty to protect them,” he said softly. “This…”</p>
<p>He trailed off for a moment, then pressed a kiss to your head and muttered, “This is the way.”</p>
<p>Your eyes snapped open after a moment, and you pushed yourself up as much as Paz’s arms would allow you. </p>
<p>“Wait, ‘our’?” You shook your head. “Like, you and I kind of ‘ours’?”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah,“ he cleared his throat. “You’re my mate - I wasn’t fucking lying about that. I know I said it balls deep in you, but I mean it. You’re -“</p>
<p>He suddenly stopped and looked somewhere else in the room. A dark blush crept over his cheeks. </p>
<p>“You’re my woman, my mate. I mean, it’s a two way street, so you don’t have to be, but, uh, you’re- you’re a part of the Vizsla clan now, if - if you want to be.”</p>
<p>Paz looked back at you. “You’re mine,” he whispered, almost afraid to say it too loudly, as if you would run if he was too aggressive. Like every time he said it before didn’t quite register with you, and now, you were actually listening now.</p>
<p>You didn’t have to stay, he supposed. If you really wanted, he would let you go -</p>
<p>You flew up to kiss him, you cradle his face in your hands, to hold your mate closer. </p>
<p>“So, that’s a yes?” He chuckled, trying his best to blink away his own tears.</p>
<p>“Fucking, of course, Paz.”</p>
<p>He laughed - it was breathless, all joy and happy surprise and so in love. Paz finally felt it, the ache in his chest, subside. He felt - </p>
<p>Paz felt you.</p>
<p>He could feel your breathing start to slow. He watched your eyes start to droop. How soft and peaceful you looked in his arms, like you and him were made from the same hold, sculpted perfectly to rest in each other’s arms.</p>
<p>Mate.</p>
<p>The word rattled around his head, until he felt it in his pelvis, and the same fire you had felt all evening sparked back up in Paz. </p>
<p>His lips brushed against yours, his tongue licking into your mouth, his hands flying to lift your hips against his. </p>
<p>“Paz,” you whined. You started to tell him that you were tired, but he rocked his hips against yours, and all you could manage was a pitiful moan.  “Maker, Paz.”</p>
<p>Paz responded by licking along your jaw before moving down. He sucked another mark onto your neck, a branding of the Vizsla clan. “One more round, doll?”</p>
<p>He sounded needy - fuck, it was hot. Your eyes rolled back when his thumb grazed your clit. “Don’t tease me, Vizsla.” </p>
<p>The sound of his laughter rumbled from his chest, and you felt your blood spike as his cock nudged your entrance. “Wouldn’t dream of it, honey.”</p>
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